Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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