What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i drank out of a bidet.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
