I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
