so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
