that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
