Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
