It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
