at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
