you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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