in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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