seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
