but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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