Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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