At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
