my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
