just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
