So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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