it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
