I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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