those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
