Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she looked like the before picture.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
