i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
