12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
