some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
