I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
