Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
