I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
