New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
