Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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