So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
