But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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