just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
