My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We are all done wearing pants today
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
