You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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