ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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