We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
