The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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