3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
