I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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