Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
