Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
