so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
