Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
