i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
