she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
