So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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