Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
