Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i came on her dog
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
