sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
