Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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