Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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