you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
