I am in a vortex of obligation.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize