You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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