Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
