so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
