You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
