I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
