Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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