I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
