You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
