If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
