whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
