I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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