I just made out with a guy for $7.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
