I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
