White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
