The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
