i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
