I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
