no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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