oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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