I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
