just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
