I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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