Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
