You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
